This is not very me but..

 

Sitting here for the last 20mins after lunch. Listening to 🎶🎵 Feeling so Emo since morning. 😰

Holding On

Sorry I'm losing faith in LOVE. Not the LOVE on its own which is pure, free of expectation and unconditional. But the LOVE between the 2 people who are not blood related. 

I know my posts nowadays are so depressing. But it also accurately describes my day to day life right now. 

The only consolation is that I could stay occupied with work, study and friends. So that I can keep my mind off thinking. I try to be busy just so that I don't allow myself to be thinking. 

But night times are difficult. I can't study at night. Too tried for it. I go to bed early cuz I usually have early morning - I don't like the mad rush before work. I want my calm, peaceful mornings. So that's the time when I'm in bed, before falling asleep, feeling sad, cold and alone. 

Today it just made me wonder. The two hands that held each other pre, during and post wedding, will it ever last holding on to each other until the end of time? Regardless of how good or bad the life situation might be, if there is a little kindness for one another, well, it would be possible. But it's also very likely that - like everything else in life - our mind and heart are capable of change.

May be that's the time we let go. 

Life is tough. It might test you in ways you could never have imagined. It will be easy to let go rather than to hang on weathering through challenges. It might just take one chance to let go cuz in most of the times, it is the easier way out. Which is also why holding on to each other and not letting the other to get away is so much more important and definitely so much harder.

But at the end of the day, when you know the test is over, you still have each other to lean on for the rest of your life and find solace in one another. Because when we get really old, and when we realize money is not all that matters, we will know comfort is the single most important thing in life and that comfort can only come from someone who loves you.

So, remember, don't let the loved one go.

Yoga

I've been joining the  yoga class recently mostly to occupy times for myself and also to take some things off my mind. 

It gives me a chance to forget about how shitty my life has become within the past few month. The 1.5 hours of calm and thoughtless mind really gives me the peace of mind I needed. 

Intuition

 

Yup that's me. I think this is also one of the traits that I have that scares most people away. 

Not to be snobbish or anything. I'm highly observant on things and my intuition works wonders.

I read people's mind through facial expressions and most of the time I'm right. Especially when there's something wrong and someone tries to hide it. I would just know! 

I used to be one who speaks her mind. But over time, I learn to realize that there are things that are best left unsaid. 

Guess we just grow more mature as life throws curve balls at you. 

Self

Be good to yourself when no one else is good to you.

Take care of yourself when no one else does. 

The last thing you should be is going down the spiral of self destructive mode. 

As I was told many times and here's a reminder to self:

'Always look at things on a brighter side'

 

The day you left me..

While you are away..

Do you know that I'm barely hanging on,.?

Not a night went without me thinking ' How could you? '.. ' Why me? '...' What have I done to deserve this?..'..

Obviously and unfortunately, I do not have answer to any of these.

The bed was too big, too cold.. and the house, too quiet.

I hated coming home to an empty house. I miss being with the family and loved ones, the happy times.. I hated preparing food for one cuz it just make me feel so alone...

I am hungry for love, care and concern and disappointed at how you no longer have any of those to offer..

I wish you remembered I have married you for love, loyalty, fulfilling life with a happy family and travel around the world with you when we reach our retirement age...

I wish you didn't forget the dreams we have had together.. I hope we didn't let go of each other's hand this easily..

I wish we don't treat each other like strangers and feel weird even to be talking to each other.

I wish we were more loving, gave each other more hugs and kisses and spend more cuddle time..

I wish we comfort each other during our most vulnerable state of mind and be there for each other..

I wish you have not changed.. into this new person that I no longer able to understand. 

Care

These quotes on Instagram has been such spot-ons with what I'm currently going through.

They just speak my mind like they read my soul, it's freaky. Guess there's many other people in the world who is or has gone through what I'm going through. 

To those strangers who are in the similar situation like mine, here's a hug for you cuz I know you needed one just like me.