So I've gotten married with a man I was in love with for a good 10 years. We've been through thick and thin. From the days we had to sparingly use a few dollars that was left for the month to a life with a stable and professional career, we've been together, not leaving each other's side no matter what happened. Good to each other, care for each other, true to each other, faithful to each other, stand up for each other, encouraging each other, falling down low and flying high together, share good and bad moments together, I call this thing - Love.
Now that we've decided to start a life long journey together, vowing to each other that we will always be true to each other for the rest of our lives, we are officially a married couple.
Just think about things in general - not just marriage. When something out of ordinary happens in one's life, people ask and they talk about it with or without your knowledge. For the happy event, they ask to share the joy with you. For an event that make them feel jealous, they ask to find traces of your failure yet acting like they care for your success. For a sorrowful event, they ask to show their empathy. For the others, they simply are just trying to have a casual conversation with you. So, people ask.
Very frequently asked, very simple yet utterly difficult to answer, question that I've received over a few months after our ROM - 'How's married life?'.
To those who were just trying to strike a casual conversation with me, I'd give answers like 'Great!', 'Getting used to it!', 'Busy, busy, busy!' or 'Enjoying it'. For those whom I know they actually care, I'd say, 'It's been great, but this can't be answered in one line, let's catch up sometimes to talk about it. It's been awhile since we caught up with each other!'... Really.. I simply can't squeeze my married life into a line to answer that question. It obviously is insufficient and incomplete. So, I've decided to write about it.
I do often have the itch to write but the writing and formations of sentences only happened and disappeared in my head. It didn't get down on the paper or on the blog. I love micro blogging sites like twitter but likewise, 160 characters weren't enough for me to express what I'm going through in my head.
So, there we go, married life as I see it..
Marriage is a wonderful thing for those who are in love, and that's exactly us. We do not have to tell each other how happy we are to be this close together - day and night. You see the same person, from the moment you open your eyes in the morning to the time you drift into sleep at night and not get tired of this routine, that's me.
Married life has been treating us pretty well. We do things that we've always wanted together, from waking up to shower to prepare for work to dinner, planning for a trip together and such. From the practical aspects, marriage is cost-effective, we pay less of the rental compared to what we used to before. Our wallets got happier because we have a combined income of 2 working adults. We don't have to buy separate household stuffs that are needed for bathroom, bedroom, kitchen and living room.
Being a hopeless romantic and someone with high observational sense, I notice and feel happy about every little things that have been changed since he moved into my room, my house and my life. I'm happy just seeing our toothbrushes standing in the same cup, having our laptops side by side on the table, having our perfumes sitting on the vanity top side by side and many others. My single bed has been expanded to a queen - plenty of space to twist and turn, super comfortable and just looking at our pillows side by side makes me feel loved. We have our own sets of pillow, blanket and bolster. We love what we used to sleep on. So, unlike others, we don't synchronise to the full couple set for our bed. But having our own sets of belonging together in the same bed is pretty something. We are opposite when it comes to our likings, we see things differently, most of the time we do come to an agreement, but in some other times, we let each other do what we want differently just as long as it isn't a big deal. Opposites attract anyways.
Unlike last time, my bathroom now holds toiletries that are for men. My shower handle and bathroom mirror have been adjusted to be higher since he moved in - if you know us, you'd know how different we are in terms of our heights. The wall and ceiling of my room now has florescent tiny stars that absorbs light during the day and shine when the light is off at night. He says it feels as if he's looking at the planet and loves sharing that moment with me. The stuffs in my room has been relocated to better fit the new bed and additional drawer cupboard we've purchased to better organise our stuffs, the clothes hanger and the computer table. My air condition produces cooler air now - before that I don't make use of it often and never once called for servicing. He loves the room cool and I am contented with the natural air in the room with the window opened - there goes the difference again. Our room is now filled with the pictures of us together and some just me alone in them, they are all over the places, on the wall, on the table, on the drawer top and almost everywhere. You might be thinking that was me (a girl) who would do these things, but nope, he was the one who put up all of that on the very next day he moved in. Witnessing it makes me happy.
Marriage teaches us how to spare a thought for each other, that all the things need not be spoken but understood. With a little unselfish love, we are able to go through our days with no problems and arguments. Things that are not a must but still have to be mindful for, like planning your schedules in advance and letting each other know so that both are involved in the process and not feel left out. Although we don't have an agreement to tell each other in advance on which day one will not be in for dinner and etc., we still do this for each other. This is part of having respect for each other. We've learnt to have a little of 'I'/'Me' and more of 'We'/'Us'.
Many things have changed. Our lifestyles have changed. I'm not as available as I used to before, for my friends. But never once they have left my thoughts and they still do dearly stay as close to my heart as before. I used to be carefree and up for any impromptu meet up/sudden movie arrangement and late nite hangout past midnights with my girls. I could no longer do these very often because now I have someone at home waiting for me to come home. Although, he's born in the this century, I must say my dear husband is the conservative one, he doesn't like me wearing revealing/skimpy clothes and haging out too late at night for a girl. Even as a guy, he doesn't do that himself. He's cut down on his usual outing with his drinking buddies, although it's to do with his busy work schedule, I know it's to do with the marriage as well. I know marriage shouldn't come in the way to your friendship with your true friends. And I definitely do believe in that. Marriage is a phase of life and in a matter of time, one would get into it some day. What most important is that you stay in contact with your friends and care for them as they are the ones who love you and always there for you when you needed someone in some bad moments of your life. You talk to them about your relationship - boyfriend / husband / family issue / disappointments at work, anything at all. I have awesome friends and I love them all very dearly. I want to be there for them when they need me and if they allow me to, I'd remain to be part of their lives forever.
Obviously, marriage is not a bed of roses and many unpleasant things will happen, family conflicts, disagreements, financial issues and at some phases we might not even want to look at each other in the face. And at some point, life is going to test us for our love, endurance and capability. All we need to do is to brace it by not giving up hope and go through this together. Easier said than done but I hope we will make it through.
For me personally the best part of marriage is building a dream and working toward achieving it hand in hand as a team. We love talking about how we see ourselves in x years time. We shared our dream of owning a house/a car, creating a loving happy family and holiday spots that we would like to go together one day. And I'm happiest when he expresses how much I mean to him and how hard he would work to bring me to a life with no stress and worries but just happiness. I know him for 10 years and I know it's not just all talks but came from the bottom of his heart. Now, it's just the beginning but I do sincerely look forward to many more enjoyable years to come.
