For you daddy..

Today marks the 6th year he's left this world but never once has he left our hearts. My dad has been the biggest part of our lives, my mom's, my brother's and mine. He's the man with the kindest heart and sweetest smiles. The kind of love that he had for his family and the less privileged people of the town of his, I think nothing in the world could match it.

He's always gentle and he knows just the right way to teach and discipline his children. When we were young, we used to love him and scare of him all at the same time. Just as he's not hesitant with the rewards when we do well at school, he's not taken aback when he had to cane us for our misbehaviour. I don't remember falling sick when he's around, he's a good doctor and he cures with his heart. Like many other people in the town whom he's touched with his heart, we respect him and always feel grateful. He's never once hesitant in waking up in the middle of the night to save some one's life. I couldn't imagine how one could give so much to others and take little for himself.

I'm grateful for what he's done in life for us. Although he seldom shows it, I know he loves us. His life revolves around our family. Whatever that he's done was for us. I miss him so very much.

This is a song sang by a daddy to his little girl, spending a quality time with his daughter while it lasts. Savouring on the kind of memory that would stay in the deepest part of his heart forever. This shows the biggest love that a daddy has for his girl and it touches my heart. It is also the kind of song that could make me cry missing him so much. So, here, this song is for you daddy... hope you are peaceful in wherever you are now.. love ya..

Artist: Adkins Trace
Song: Just Fishin'

I’m lost in her there holdin’ that pink rod and reel
She’s doin’ almost everything but sittin’ still
Talkin’ ‘bout her ballet shoes and training wheels
And her kittens
And she thinks we’re just fishin’

I say, “Daddy loves you, baby” one more time
She says, “I know. I think I got a bite.”
And all this laughin’, cryin, smilin’ dyin’ here inside’s
What I call, livin’

And she thinks we’re just fishin’ on the riverside
Throwin’ back what we could fry
Drownin’ worms and killin’ time
Nothin’ too ambitious
She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout
What’s really goin’ on right now
But I guarantee this memory’s a big’in
And she thinks we’re just fishin’

She’s already pretty, like her mama is
Gonna drive the boys all crazy
Give her daddy fits
And I better do this every chance I get
‘Cause time is tickin’
(Yeah it is)

And she thinks we’re just fishin’ on the riverside
Throwin’ back what we could fry
Drownin’ worms and killin’ time
Nothin’ too ambitious
She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout
What’s really goin’ on right now
But I guarantee this memory’s a big’in
And she thinks we’re just fishin’

She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout
What’s really goin’ on right now
But I guarantee this memory’s a big’in
And she thinks we’re just fishin’
Yeah, aww, she thinks we’re just fishin’
We ain’t only fishin’
(This ain’t about fishin’)

A wake up call..

Last week, I witnessed an old lady fell with a tray full of dirty plates and bowls while she's working at a food center. It broke my heart watching her picking up the broken pieces of ceramic plates off the floor despite the fact that she was injured from the fall. I was having my lunch at about 2 tables away from the spot she slipped and lost her balance. The moment I heard a loud bang, I turned around to see what's happened. She was on her belly right before where I was seated. She slipped from about 2 meters away and I'm sure the fall has caused her shock and trauma. She was shaky, her elbows and fingers bleeding from the cuts. A few ladies around my table including myself stood up to help her. She seems to be still in shock and probably did not realise that she's hurt. Still trembling, she picked herself up leaning a little against her trolley beside her and started picking up the dishes and cleaning the mess. The concerned passersby are telling her in Mandarin to clean up her wounds, but she kept saying in mandarin that she's okay.

Clearly, she didn't want to lose her job. In fact, she didn't want anyone to notice that something had happened. All she wanted was to clean up the mess that she's caused. She did not say a single word about the pain, the shock and the blood. No moaning, no fuss, just work.

I was inwardly hurt witnessing the incident. A train of thoughts came to my mind. First, for the old lady. How could anyone related to her make her work at this age? Does she has any off springs and how could they make her work at the food centre to make her living? Will the management cut her pay for the damages caused? Will she receive some kind of compensation for the injury? With many of these thoughts crossed my head, the very one thing I wanted to do was to search through my purse and give her all the cash I have in there. One thing about donating cash is that, it can be perceived as an insult. I wanted to do something for her, something that could make the moment better. But on the other hand, I do not want any misunderstanding. Before I could get out of this dilemma, she was soon accompanied by a security personnel to a place where she should be. I felt so sad for her, like the kind of sadness you could not describe with words.

And then I thought to myself, the old folks of this age deserve to stay home and be taken good care of by their children. They have done enough in life to raise their child, it should be the children's turn to take care of them now. If they needed something to do just to occupy their times, you arrange something for them to do at home. Not letting them work as a cleaner, parking attendance, gas station attendant, janitor or worse sending them to the nursing homes. For those who doesn't have any children, this should be the time government takes care of them since they too have contributed the country in some way in life. I might sound too childish to say this, but I do not want to see any old folks suffering and being treated like worthless people. Just as I do not want this to happen to my parents or grandparents, I do not want this for anyone.

I couldn't imagine something like this happen to my mom. Well practically she doesn't have to work because there's myself and my brother who are taking care of her. However, I couldn't help but wonder how she's putting up back in hometown while she's away from us. The fall like this could happen to anyone, especially for older people who could easily lose their balance. Shes in her 60s and couldn't say she's all fit and healthy. Shes getting more fragile with the age. My mom is a selfless woman, who would do anything within her means and capabilities for the ones she loves - especially us, her children. The incident above slapped me hard in the face, a wake up call to myself. Now I have a series of questions for myself. What have I done to make it up to my mom for what she's done in life? Have I done enough? How would I fair on a scale of being a good daughter? Have I been showing enough love and care to her? Has she been feeling lonely or sad by herself? What if she's been keeping things to herself because she doesn't want us to get hurt or be troubled by her. What if she's been feeling unwell and keeping it to herself. What if she falls down while she's alone at home? What if..

After a lot of what-ifs, I've decided to do my best at treating my mom nicer, showing her love, care and gratitude. After all, she's the only one that's left in our life and she's a gem, a role model with the kindest heart. She's been taking care of us since we were born to this age. No matter how old we are, we will always be her babies. Till now, she would cook for us, does our laundries, nurses us while we are sick, watches us like she'd watch a baby. I could never find a single trace of laziness in her. When she's around, she would be doing something, keeping the house clean, hand washing the clothes, tidying up the tables, changing the sheets, preparing for dinner right after lunch, or anything that you could think of for the household and for the family. She wouldn't stop even if we asked her to. I want her to be Happy and healthy. She means the world to me and I love her wholeheartedly. I know that I haven't been a great daughter, but I will definitely be better from now on.

I love you mom..